becoming a mama.

On the 22nd May 2016, at 10:42pm, my life changed in an instant. I became a Mama to my precious little Baba.

Nothing could have prepared me for how I would feel when I brought our beautiful baby girl into this world. As her scrunched up, gunk covered little self was placed on my chest, the amount of love I felt was overwhelming. I looked down at this miracle we had created and just cried. Tears of happiness, tears of relief and tears of pure love. And when she looked up at me with her big dark eyes, I thought nothing would ever top this moment.

Fast forward almost five months, I still get those overwhelming feelings of that moment every single day. Whether it be when I watch her sleep peacefully with her little hands near her face, or as she looks deep into my eyes as I breastfeed her, or even when she cries that ‘I don’t even know why i’m crying’ cry and her bottom lip goes. Which is just for effect i’m sure of it!

I knew that becoming a mother would change me. I’d have been stupid not to think that! But it has changed me in ways that have surprised me. Maybe surprised is the wrong word. What I mean is, i’ve changed in ways that I hadn’t even thought about, and on both ends of the scale. For example, shopping… I walk into a shop now and head straight to the baby clothes. I go on a website and click straight on the baby girls section. I don’t even entertain stuff for me. It doesn’t excite me like things for her does! Then a much deeper example… the thought of dying. I was never really afraid of dying. I just accepted that it was a part of life. Didn’t think too much of it. But now? Well i’m tearing up just writing this. The thought of not being around to watch my Baba grow up. The thought of her not knowing who I am, or not remembering me. The thought of her getting on without me, not needing me anymore. It makes me feel sick.

These past five months have been amazing. But my God they have gone quickly! I feel like I just blinked and now I have this rolling, raspberry blowing, giggling, gurgling, baby talking, happy smiley baby in front of me. Where did my 6lb 13oz newborn go?!

As I sit and watch her, i’m filled with so much pride. I can’t quite believe my body was able to create and grow such an incredible thing. I watch her take everything in, watch her look at things with such awe, and watch as she learns new things, and I could just burst.

Becoming a Mama is quite simply the best thing that has ever happened to me. Being a Mama is the most exciting adventure, and one that fills me with so much joy and happiness, every single day.

…Even when i’m covered in sick, have poopa under my fingernails, need matchsticks for my eye lids and haven’t showered in days. 😉

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