confessions of a parent.

Just as the title suggests… Don’t pretend you haven’t done some, if not all, of these! 

  1. Having visitors round and wanting them to leave. Staring at them, hoping they get the message. Giving them one word replies, hoping they get the message. Yawning, hoping they get the message. Making a note to say “we’re busy” when they ask to visit next time.
  2. Declining invitations to (most) things and using the baby as an excuse. ‘We’ve been up all night’ is a fave. 
  3. Judging every man and his dog on their offspring. Name choices being at the top of the list.
  4. Judging how cute other peoples children are. You know you’ve done it.
  5. Realising that not every baby is cute.
  6. In the early weeks (months), surviving on a diet which mainly consists of take away food, microwaveable food and, if you’re feeling really brave, food that needs next to no preparation and can be whacked in the oven.
  7. Speaking of food, since the little one has arrived, having the ability to consume a whole meal in about, ooh, 1.67 minutes. 
  8. Hearing a trump from that cute little baby’s bum, pretending you haven’t, and asking Dad/Nana/Anyone else but you to ‘check’ the nappy. Sneaky.
  9. Sniffing baby’s bum. Often. 
  10. Examining a nappy full of poo. On a regular basis.
  11. Taking a photo of, what we call, a poonami and sending it to other half. (poonami; a poo explosion which seeps out of the nappy, covering baby, and quite often, two layers of clothing) 
  12. Quite enjoying digging out bogies with your little finger nail, even though it makes baby sneeze. 
  13. Uploading a photo of your ‘happy/gorgeous/perfect/any other adjective baby’ on social media and not showing the 20 odd others you took which didn’t make the cut
  14. Snapchat filters. Lol. 
  15. Having a phone full of pictures of your baby. And showing everyone you meet pictures and videos of your baby. Even when they are clearly bored of saying ‘aww’. 
  16. Taking offence when you don’t get a nicer response than ‘aww’.
  17. Sticking baby infront of the TV for just one minute whilst you quickly go and pee. 
  18. Then realising baby is actually quite content infront of TV so make tea, drink tea, check Facebook, read magazine, paint nails, have another tea…
  19. Watching Mr Tumble, then Twirlywoos, then Charlie and Lola then realising baby has been asleep for 20 minutes. 
  20. Cursing baby for a split second when she’s hungry as you’re just not quite ready for the feed. 
  21. Letting baby moan or cry. Then feeling guilty. Repeating this 8373638 times. 
  22. Making sure baby has clean clothes on every day, when you’re sat there in the same jeans and t-shirt you’ve been wearing all week.
  23. Struggling to remember when you last showered. Because sometimes it’s just too much hassle. 
  24. Handing the baby to anyone that walks through the door, as soon as they walk through the door. 
  25. Baby talk. Alllll. The. Time. 
  26. Secretly being satisfied when baby is held by someone else and cries. 
  27. Giving baby nicknames, that only you can use. We have ‘Meltdown Mandy’ and ‘Moaner Lisa’ in our list. 
  28. Putting baby in a funny position or funny item of clothing, just for a photo. 
  29. Being amazed at your milk producing breasts and seeing how far you can, erm, squirt it! 
  30. Tasting breast milk. 
  31. Telling other women every single detail of your labour. 
  32. This one involves a locked bathroom, a hand held mirror, and a squat. You need to see the damage. 
  33. Feeling quite proud of the boobs you have got when your milk comes in. Helloooo ladies. 
  34. Resenting having boobs when your milk comes in and something touches them. Ouch. 
  35. Wondering whether sex will ever be the same again. Not wanting to find out. Ever again.
  36. Getting over the above and getting down to it. With a sleeping baby in the same room. Feeling like you’ve failed at being a parent as surely baby will have heard, or worse, seen something, subsequently being scarred for life.  

Do any of these ring true for you?! Do you have any more to add to the list?!

You Baby Me Mummy
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